It's the monsoon season and everyone is continually reminding me of my pending departure. I have 6 teaching days left and a thousand goodbyes to say yet. It's harder than I thought to leave a place that I have called home for the past 4 years.
Truth be told I spent most of my time hating it here. I think that there wasn't enough understanding to make me feel comfortable enough to forget the fact that I am an American. I never grew up being a true red white and blue patriot. I didn't care so much that I voluntarily signed myself up to be an ex-pat for apparently 4 years. Life is life and hardships come and go but at my core are some personal values that couldn't mold into something they aren't. Values defined by culture, principles, family traditions and economic stability. Like it or not Korea has ripped me apart.
4 years ago I was a young naive country boy who just had completed my University life. I came looking for adventure and found a lively dense crowd in the mists of a concrete jungle filled with shopping sprees, discounts, 1+1 or buy 1 get 1 free and people who flat out have no common sense on how to treat you.
On the flip side i dealt with many wonderful Koreans who enriched my life in so many ways whether it was a casual dinner, lunch coffee or snack meeting or just some idle talk about work to pass the time. I feel sorry for many of the people I met. The find little to no joy in their life all because their values of family, work above self, and money are too ingrained in their heads.
Everyday, I listen to people mention how money is everything and how we need to save for our future more than anything. Parents are everything too we should try to give as much money etc to them since they have bent over backwards to give to us. While that may be true we are all 1 people and we all deserve to just do what we can for each other sometimes taking and sometimes giving. I have become brainwashed and my brain has become one big sponge with the Korean way of looking at life. I don't recognize myself in the mirror when I get up in the morning. I actually don't have time to look in the mirror anyways other than a quick glance as I pass the exit sign of my building. maybe i am weird but I dont have a mirror fetish like the woman on the subway do when i see them preening themselves with mascara and eyelid tweezers without a care about where they are. AMERICANS don't do that to my knowledge.
Okay so anyways here I am now in my final week so to speak, I work the entire shift from 6am-8or 10pm teaching 5 classes and waiting biding some time. I go to McD's or Dunkin for breakfast usually alone. I eat lunch with a student or a teacher sometimes my wife. I drink too much coffee. Nowadays, I am watching Game of Thrones a wonderful TV show that I can't wait to watch season 2 here in July and read my national geographic. I dream of my new future hopefully far from the outskirts of Kalispell. A home that I no longer recognize.
Maybe I will be there in T-30 days.
L.A. here I come in 21 days.
yikes.
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